Strengths and Struggles

In the past few weeks, I’ve sent out more resumes than i care to admit. Selling yourself to a company you’ll more than likely hate is tiring… but it also makes you think …I’m not the most athletic guy.

I’m funny, but there are funnier. I’m smart but I’m not the smartest. It’s quite humbling to realize that no matter what I may think I excel at, there is always going to be one (probably many) other person(s) who are better. discouraging? not necessarily. 

 Through the years, I’ve come to recognize what my spiritual gifts are. I know they include giving and mercy. I also know what my talents are: resourceful, people-smart, and clever. But like we learned in strategic management, having all the resources and plans in the world is useless unless you can implement them.

Basically, I need more discipline. I think kelly and i need more of it as a couple. Right now, we’re in a difficult spot with work, school, and family all fighting for time…but I don’t think i handle my responsibilities as well as i should. I got in trouble for missing to much work. I have consistent grades, but they’re not at the level i’d like. Being a new bride, kelly rightfully wants to develop a lot of intimacy, which requires time. so…what do i do

 Right now, i get between 5 and 6 hours of sleep a night…should i be staying up later to get more quantity of work done yet sacrifice more quality? I’m not sure.

Here’s what i want to do.

Kelly and I had always enjoyed going to starbucks or the BiffCAT to read and drink coffee. Although reading isn’t really good interaction, it’s something that winds us down and is also productive when it’s required reading for school. Generally we watch Friends or the Office, but I want us to be a reading couple. Right now, i’ll be reading school or business stuff, but come may, we can read books on marriage or other stuff and discuss them.

Secondly i want us to develop a more regular time for prayer and bible study. we don’t do this nearly as much as we should. I think the benefits are three fold like Chandler living in a box. The first are the benefits from a close relationship with God: more christlike lives and marriage. Secondly, when we open up ourselves to God in the context of our marriage, we are allowing the other to see the real us. We both want more of that. Thirdly it is more concentrated time of intentional intimacy. Quality vs. quantity time kind of a thing.

So yeah…those are my guts. i just spilled them. i want to be a godly man with my godly wife raising godly children. It will be much easier if we set those patterns now rather than in 2,5, or 10 years. It’s hard being so busy, but i know it would be worth it… I love my wife. she’s my best friend and the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to be the husband she deserves, and i think being more disciplined will make me a better husband to my wife. a better father to my children. a better worker for my employer. and most importantly a better servant for my Lord.